real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
