Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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