i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
