Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
