The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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