I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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