I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
