why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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