You smell like stripper and shame
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
