I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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