so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
