You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
