i wish my penis had a tongue
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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