Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize