The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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