you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
