She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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