My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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