I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
