eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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