help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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