I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
