Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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