I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
