Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
