nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
