3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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