This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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