The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
