i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This is classic penis vs brain.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
