I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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