Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
