Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
