My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
