just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
