Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
