The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
