We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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