hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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