Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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