Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize