SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
