woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Im part way to drunk.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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