Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
