Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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