i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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