That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
