I'm drive I can fine osifer
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
