mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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