Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
