Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's shark week go big or go home
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
