i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
