somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
