What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
