I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
