yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
