If i come over, it means nothing
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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