I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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