I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
