apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My dick has a subreddit
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