i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
