help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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