i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
