Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
