and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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