did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
