plz talk dirty to me
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
