at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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