we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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