oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
