Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize