i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
